big news.
Stella was in the newspaper, in all of her mentally-deficient glory. Also, side-eye at every single person who attended the event and neglected to tell me that the kid we were hosting the event for was conveniently the kid all over my dog for an uncomfortable length of time. I would have been a little nicer.
thanks.
crazy bitch.
1. I adopted her from the animal shelter when she was 8 weeks old. I wanted a different puppy, but Stella kept sitting on my shoes and following me around.
2. Alex’s parent’s adopted her sister on the same day.
3. she is truly anorexic-skinny, no matter how much food I shove down her throat.
4. she thoroughly enjoys yellow sour patch kids
5. she once ate all the ornaments and tinsel on the bottom 2 feet of our christmas tree. she pooped glitter for weeks.
6. she likes to take leisurely swims in the pool by herself when no one is looking.
7. she’s allergic to most collars. but not the expensive leather ones, of course.
8. when she was little she had a staph infection.
9. last year she got out of the house and someone in the neighborhood tried to keep her. I ran up just as they were loudly saying (despite her collar and tags) “WOW WHAT A POOR STRAY DOG. LETS TAKE HER HOME. SHE NEEDS A FAMILY” and dragging her into their house. I freaked.
10. she once squeezed out the half-open back window of my car while we were driving and I was in the front seat holding her leash. She hung there until Alex realized why I was screaming and slammed on the brakes. The idiot was fine and just ran off like nothing happened.
11. She kicks dirt over her poop like a cat.
12. She likes to lounge on the back of the couch like a cat with her head on top of your head.
13. she does drive by lickings of any food within her reach. she darts her tongue out without stopping as she walks by in hopes we’ll be grossed out and give it to her. never works.
14. she has extreme anxiety.
15. she used to literally pee giant puddles in the corner every time we came home, even when she didn’t do anything wrong.
16. she once slammed into the sliding glass door and then stared at it, extremely confused.
17. she likes to sit on my bed with her bare ass on my pillow. it grosses me out.
18. on several occasions she has crammed herself between the couch cushions so far down that we couldn’t find her.
19. she stares at me constantly and unwaveringly and once she’s gotten my attention she’ll slowly stick out her tongue out the side of her mouth.
20. she likes to wear hats.
21. she likes to wear jingle bells.
22. she jumps up on the counters and scavenges for food, usually breaking my pretty dishes.
23. I tried to use mouse traps on her, but she ate them.
24. she has to poop in at least 4 different places each time and all of her circling in preparation is wonky and uneven and she almost always falls over.
25. last halloween I made a head on a stick of Michi for pictures. Stella ate it.
26. she’s eaten 2 dozen coasters in their entirety.
27. when she’s excited she shakes uncontrollably and can’t walk straight.
28. she truly loves being in her crate.
29. sometimes she gets over stimulated and will take her front paw and smack corona in the face.
30. it doesn’t matter how much room there is (or isn’t) on the couch, she wants to sit right on top of you.
31. when she was a puppy, I’d come downstairs every morning to find her sitting in her water bowl.
32. she likes to eat bark and mulch and sticks and wads of my hair.
33. I’ve had to manually remove strands of my hair (which are longer than she is) more than once :/
34. she licks the inside of corona’s ears constantly.
35. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her growl. ever.
36. she can high five, with both hands.
37. she likes to cram herself under Alex’s desk by his feet when he works from home.
38. she likes to shower with us and just stands there drinking the water and smiling.
39. she pretends to be a snake and slithers around the house on her back.
40. she used to hide her food bowl around the house in really bizarre places.
41. she once ate an entire roll of film and 5 pounds of raw steak in the same day.
42. when I was pregnant, she used to kiss my belly.
43. right before I had B, she had her head resting on my stomach and B kicked really hard and she fell over and wouldn’t sit next to me for a really long time.
44. she sits on top of our bed and watches me get ready. As soon as spray perfume, she runs downstairs and gets in her crate.
45. she can open the baby gate at the foot of the stairs.
46. she likes to spoon with whoever happens to be sleeping on our couch each weekend.
47. Once I caught her trying to open their food container.
48. sometimes she’ll start running up and down the hallway as fast as she can and start sliding into the walls.
49. when you talk to her, she cocks her head to the side like she’s listening and stares at you blankly so you know she’s actually not.
50. she’s a huge whore.
Jingle Pup is back. This time with an (accidently) stolen cowbell.
stella…
Stella ate Michelle.
I had her face on a stick for when I go adventuring without her…so she can be in the pictures too.
but Stella ate her and this is all that was left.
Her diet for the last week has primarily consisted of 4 mousetraps, 6 coasters, 2 lollipops, 3 socks, 1 baseboard, 1 floor plan, 1 plastic cup, 1 folder of important papers from the hospital, and 1 Michelle.
My dog is a skank.
But a really really cute skank.
And this would be Stella. There is something wrong with her brain.
Stella grew into her big girl hippie collar. No more rhinestones for the eccentric one. Glitz and glamour wasn’t really her thing anyway.
In an attempt to wash our white (unbeknownst to me) cotton curtains…I shrunk them at least a foot. They look fantastic. New curtains pronto. I’m thinking dark teal velvet.
We recently acquired some treasure of the more sentimental variety. A peacock figurine…a cherub baby holding a clam shell that holds the earrings I never wear…iridescent bowls and dishes with sweet flowers…a grandfather clock…a doily hand crocheted by Husband’s great great grandmother…various relics of the 1950′s…and silly things that piqued the fancy of a very old man.
Our house will be full of nothing but treasure until the day I die, I swear it.
These are the cuties that have consumed my life lately. They are too much. They sold out 4 consecutive performances of “A Christmas Wizard of Oz.” They make me laugh until I can’t breath. They are insane. I miss them. Niko’s in the middle. He was Uncle Henry.
Also, the tv turned on by itself again for the third time in a year. No one was within 10 feet of the remotes, everyone was asleep except me. Fact: it only happens after midnight. Fact: it only happens when I’m the only one awake. Fact: it is scary as hell. I think a certain someone followed me from my dad’s. It’s annoying.
Sometime soon I’m making this new website of ours and allowing comments again. Soon…meaning maybe a month. Tomorrow is bake-fest at the Dunn’s. Merry Christmas.
…and Stella won. She attacked our poor little Christmas tree and ripped it to shreds. Tinsel, peacock feathers, glass, glitter…everywhere. You could hardly see the carpet underneath her path of destruction. The second I saw it my heart stopped beating and I burst into tears. Alex threw his arms around me and Stella hid under the tree where she thought I couldn’t reach her. She’s been pooping glitter for days.
I put it back together as best as I could…but it isn’t the same. Stella…if you come within 10 feet of the tree ever again, it’s game over. She attacked the wreath Linda made us last year too…so I had to get creative on it. And I finally got around to making our stockings and impressed Husband with my painting skils
And then the boys impressed me with their muscles and the puppies cuddled
Next on the agenda is mistletoe and paper snowflakes.
5 months later, Corona has finally stopped hating me for bringing home Stella. For 5 months, Corona hasn’t given me a single kiss, hasn’t snuggled with me, followed me around, sat on me, or shown any interest in me whatsoever. Then one night I came home and she lunged at me from the couch and covered me with kisses. She snuggles with me every morning and leaves no room for Stella. She follows me around and sits on my feet and on my back and on my legs and is protective again. As much I love my neurotic little puppy…I really missed that.
And Stella is now an obsessive, anxiety ridden, frustratingly adorable puppy with a raging staph infection. She impersonates snakes, hates riding in the car, and evidently forgot how to control her bladder. She snuggles more than ever and her favorite new toy is a pair of betty boop socks. She’s psychotic. She’s mine.
Corona has claimed Alex and is an unwavering daddy’s girl. Stella, on the other hand, has chosen me, and can’t stand the fact that sometimes other things must take up my attention. When I get busy she plops down in my lap or on my feet and whines and cries and throws a little fit. So we play and cuddle and have a grand ole time…but eventually I do have to get back to business, which for Stella is both infuriating and unacceptable. In that smart little head of hers she knows that if she’s too quiet for too long, I’ll come looking. And if she gets in trouble, she knows I’ll yell and carry on, pop her and pick her up and put her in her crate and lecture her…ultimately lots of attention. She cowers when she realizes she’s been caught but the second I’m close enough to touch her, yelling and popping her in the nose, she’s on her back wriggling around in my lap and she loves every minute of it. She doesn’t care about being in trouble, so much as she gets my undivided attention. Corona, apparently, gets exasperated with this nonsense and has taken to doling out the punishment herself. We caught her herding Stella into her crate and then blocking the door so she couldn’t get back out.
And when she’s behaving like a good little girl, I pick her up and she puts one little paw on each of my shoulders and kisses me everywhere she can reach. And when she’s done she buries her little head in the crook of my neck, sighs, and falls asleep. And she will stay there for hours, not once struggling to get down. And at night when we’re all tucked in to our crowded little bed, she curls up next to my stomach and rests her head across my back and by morning her head is on my pillow and she’s breathing in my face and snoring in my ear.
And god forbid a door separate us. She goes into hysterics if she can’t get to me and she curls up on the leopard rug in the bathroom when I shower and she attentively watches me dry my hair and brush my teeth and she cocks her little head when I put on my makeup. She stands in my closet with me while I get dressed, carefully assessing my wardrobe and she insists on cramming herself next to me everywhere I sit or lay down.
I think she recognizes the fact that I rescued her. She gets it. And for that she loves me unconditionally, but not as much, I think, as I love her.
