Someone just shit in my car. And it wasn’t B.

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I went to Sam’s and bought some treats, even though Corona is large and Stella is a jerk. I accidently bought the really really big kind. I didn’t know this until I got home and opened the box.

whatever. B and I had to go run some more errands. So I put Stella’s crazy emotional anxiety ridden ass in her crate, which made her extremely happy. But I didn’t know what to do with the open box of treats – it wouldn’t fit anywhere in the house except the floor. I stacked a bunch of stuff on it. I told Corona NO. She didn’t really care. And she’s a good dog. I thought this was sufficient.

B and I came home. Not even 30 minutes had gone by. I opened the door. Corona was passed out on the couch, on her back with her grossly fat belly hanging over the edge. SHE COULDN’T EVEN GET UP. She was laying in a bed of crumbs and drool. I followed the crumb trail to the kitchen. She had tipped over the box, eaten about 25 treats that were bigger than her head and then gone into a food coma. She ate so much that she couldn’t even eat any more. There was half a box of treats left and she didn’t even want them. Stella was in her crate shaking and shrieking and twitching. For once she wasn’t the asshole and she couldn’t even handle it.

It took an etire week of barfing/crapping in the house for her stomach to stop dragging on the ground. Kind of like the time she ate 5 lbs of raw steak in 10 minutes.

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This is how Corona spends 80% of her day.

1. awkwardly cramming herself onto the couch, usually with a leg or two dangling off. but it’s okay. as long as most of her body is up there, she’s happy. and if she’s within licking distance of Alex, she’s even happier.

2. sucking on blankets. literally. she takes her two front paws and crams as much blanket into her mouth as possible. and then she sucks on it…for hours. but she never ever chews them. she just leaves gross wet drool spots all over the place. When she’s done sucking on the blanket, she burrows under it – aggressively.

the remaining 20% of her day largely involves her hiding out in the kitchen and following B around and guarding his crib. And putting up with Stella. Stella drives her crazy.

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We had a childbirth class Saturday morning. 9-5. We skipped out around 12. I don’t think anyone there liked us anyway.

We went home and installed the car seat. It’s a pretty bad ass car seat.

We watched Battlestar Galactica and I got a back massage.

Alex went to play softball. We tried to make him a toga but I wasn’t going to destroy our only extra sheet and Husband didn’t fit in a pillowcase. So I made Corona a toga with said pillowcase. It had something to do with Judas. Not really clear on that.

Corona contemplating all the ways she can exact her revenge on me and Stella going bat-shit crazy in the background.

AND THEN MICHI CAME OVER. AGAIN. 2 WEEKS IN A ROW.

I hugged her and fed her and dragged her to the softball game with Toga Pup in tow.

Toga Pup was pissed.

So we left and got ice cream and snuggled with the pups on the couch and watched Nip Tuck and had lewd conversations.

I stayed up way past my bed time.

Toga Pup forgave me.

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She’d lay like this with you forever if you’d let her.

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5 months later, Corona has finally stopped hating me for bringing home Stella. For 5 months, Corona hasn’t given me a single kiss, hasn’t snuggled with me, followed me around, sat on me, or shown any interest in me whatsoever. Then one night I came home and she lunged at me from the couch and covered me with kisses. She snuggles with me every morning and leaves no room for Stella. She follows me around and sits on my feet and on my back and on my legs and is protective again. As much I love my neurotic little puppy…I really missed that.

And Stella is now an obsessive, anxiety ridden, frustratingly adorable puppy with a raging staph infection. She impersonates snakes, hates riding in the car, and evidently forgot how to control her bladder. She snuggles more than ever and her favorite new toy is a pair of betty boop socks. She’s psychotic. She’s mine.

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found stella like this

hiding behind her daddy’s guitar

and then we took some pictures like this

my baby girl smilin in the sunshine

sweet little baby stella

every little thing is gonna be alright

big pup and little pup

and they love each other like they’ve never spent a day apart

and she is all the sweetness in the whole world

and she is perfection

in all its forms

our lovely lady Corona

and our sweet baby Stella

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Fact: We did not name our dog after a beer.

Fact: Corona is of Spanish origin and means ‘crown’ and it’s actually a beautiful name if you can get past the fact that, yes, it also the name of a beer.

Fact: Because it is coincidentally also the name of a Mexican beer, we celebrate her birthday on Cinco de Mayo, and we find it hysterical.

Fact: She loves to snuggle and cuddle and spoon and burrow. She doesn’t bark and hardly sheds. She is scary intelligent and she has a beautiful face. She is very protective and always sits on my feet in the kitchen when I cook. She’s a daddy’s girl. She’s a heartbreaker. She never chews things and the only thing she doesn’t like to wear on her head is a party hat. She isn’t very fond of pools but she loves the beach. She loves having photo shoots. She never runs away from us. She loves her training collar and car rides. She gives lots of kisses and licks the carpet. She likes toads, but they don’t like her. She has a best friend named Chelsea, an arch nemesis named Chino and a suitor named Hercules. She is the most amazing dog there ever was.

She is at the center of our happy little world.

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