Choke me in the shallow water

August 20th, 2010

someone handed me these in an envelope.

my mother. she sang for the universe and the universe sang for her. when she stopped singing, the universe cried.

my dad met my mom at a gig. she was leaving. he asked what he had to do to make her stay. she said play pink floyd. he did. she stayed. she joined the band. they toured, they fought, they played, they sang, they married. he couldn’t tame my mother.

he took this the night he met her. he taped it inside his guitar case. it stayed there for a long, long time.

then they had me. i couldn’t tame her either. she’s a wild one, my mother.

I’ve never seen anyone more beautiful in all my life.

my gypsy, my muse. my mother.

Choir of furies in your head

August 19th, 2010

Cause I am

I’m the fury in your head

I’m the fury in your bed

Foals, Spanish Sahara

The moment's already passed

August 19th, 2010

The problem with the world inside my head is that I feel like I’m sitting in the center of a violent tornado, real life, days…weeks, spinning around me, unable to reach me in the world i’ve created, and all the while I’m sitting still at the center of the chaos. The only people who can reach me here are Alex and Brigsby and sometimes I realize months have gone by and I haven’t called friends back, seen family, weeks have screamed past me and I haven’t even picked up my camera. Whole seasons become a blur and all of my plans get ripped from my head and lost in the whirlwind.

I don’t think I could exist anywhere else but exactly where I am, even if it means a distinct disconnect from everything else, sometimes everyone else…a fair sacrifice to wake up every morning living in Wonderland.

And even though I feel like I’m sitting still at the center of it all, my mind never stops, constantly weaving precarious webs of words, plotting my next move in Wonderland…but my hands, they move too slow, and these delicate webs fall away into the abyss before I can save them, give them life, plans go forgotten, and still I stand unmoving at the center, fingers intertwined with Beloved’s and a baby kicking inside me.

I can't tell dreams from truth

August 19th, 2010

Brigsby,

Last night your daddy fell into bed and pressed his face into my belly, kissing you, trying to be as close to you as possible. He lied there for a long time, his ear looking for your heartbeat and my fingers in his hair. I fell asleep like that, with his cheek against my belly button, and I dreamed of you.

Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova, If You Want Me

Stella

August 10th, 2010

And this would be Stella. There is something wrong with her brain.

Yellow skies

August 10th, 2010

20 weeks.

We were watching Angela’s Ashes when we looked outside and realized the sky was yellow and the grass was yellow and all of the leaves on all of the trees were yellow, yellow like the sky painted in your bedroom. Your daddy grabbed the camera and we spilled out onto the porch and took pictures in the yellow light. We might have been the only two that noticed.

You really like to curl up into a little ball on the right side of my belly. When you poke me, I poke back. From what I can tell so far, you’re like your daddy and you never sleep.

We went to the Craft Beer Expo. Everyone glared at me and burned holes into me from every direction, especially when I got in line for beer samples for your daddy and uncle sheehan. No one really cared for my ‘drinking for two’ joke. I found it hysterical.

God

August 3rd, 2010

“I think the first time I ever actually believed there was a God was when I was pregnant with you.”

-My mom

Mini Horse

August 3rd, 2010

Brigsby,

I promise you will always have pets. There will be lots of dogs and a steady stream of little fishies. I kind of want a goat or lamb or something too, so maybe we’ll have one of those. I will let you bring home lizards and turtles and squirrels at your leisure. You will have your own sea monkeys, even though they are kind of creepy, and even a chameleon. If you want chickens, we’ll have chickens. Your daddy promised me some peacocks, so you’ll always those hanging out outside your bedroom window. He also said I could have a mini horse – but not before the peacocks…the peacocks have to come first. We won’t ever have cats though. They are awful, nasty little creatures. Kittens are cute, but they’re still demonic. Instead you can have a bobcat. Bobcats are nice. Just tell your dad I said it’s okay.

-Your Momma

    Easily Dunn
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